Dear Alex
by surfer4grits
Summary: AlexOlivia. Olivia writes Alex her "good-bye".
1. Default Chapter

**Dear Alex  
Pairing: **Olivia/Alex  
**Disclaimer: **Don't own nothin'. Damn, I need to be creative.  
**Summary:** Olivia writes Alex a "good-bye" note. **  
A/N: **Femslash. No like, no read: simple, got it? Let me know if I should add another chapter; I was thinking that Alex could be reading this a few months later.

Dear Alex,_  
_  
I remember everything to this day. Do you? I still can feel the way your arms felt around me after an exhausting under-paid day and the way your whispered 'I love you's" could just melt me. The way your breathing was barely noticeable, how your hair fell lightly in front of your face while you slept. God, Alex. Has it really been two years? It doesn't seem like it at all when I think about how much I can visualize. But when I'm alone at night, wanting someone to hold, the 730 days since I last saw you feels like forever. I know you aren't allowed to call me. I know because your protective detail approached me in person and said that I should break it off with you. He said he'd pretend it never happened if I dumped you, and that way I could see you one more time. "The chances of you catching Alex's attacker are slim to none. Just forget about her and tell her it's over," were his exact words, and that's why I was almost put in jail. Thank god Elliot's stronger than me, otherwise your detail would be in his grave.

No matter how many times I go through my apartment, I can never find all of your stuff. Just yesterday I found your dollar frames you used to read the paper incase you left yours at work. Not even Elliot could fathom why I came to work practically sobbing. Alex, when that guy shot you, he may have missed your heart; but he hit mine. Bulls-eye. So here's my last words to you. I've tried to do this for ages, but every time my pen hit the paper, my hand shook so bad I couldn't even make the letter 'D'. Thinking about the way the metal would feel against my temple used to make me vomit, but now it's comforting compared to life without you._  
__  
_Alex, I love you. The first time I saw you, my heart went to my throat and all I could do was stare. My breathing got heavy, and you just smiled at me. Your little 'victory' smile that made attorneys want to punch your lights out. I always loved that trait you possessed that made almost everyone want to kick your ass…I'm laughing through my tears right now. Remember that time you were held in contempt for mouthing off to Judge Petrovsky? You looked so funny in jail…so out of place. You are so elegant, Alex, so breathtakingly beautiful, men must have fallen in line just to get a grin from you. I wonder why you picked me over all those wealthy guys. I'm just a woman cop with a middle-class apartment, after all. It never seemed to matter to you, and I'm thankful for that. I have to go now- if I don't do this now, I never will. Goodbye. I love you so much…don't forget that, ok?

Olivia


	2. Chap 2

_6 months later…  
_Alex shivered uncomfortably as she walked toward the mailbox. It was freezing, and the former ADA stepped outside in nothing more than a t-shirt, flannel pajama pants, and flip-flops. "I thought North Carolina was supposed to be warmer than this in winter," she mused as the metal container creaked open. Ruffling through the usual bills and catchy offers, a slightly yellowed envelope caught her eye. When she saw who the sender was, her eyebrow arched somewhat. "Why is Liv sending me a letter?" She ripped the paper open eagerly and started to read:  
**Dear Alex,**

**I remember…  
**  
"Oh god…" The blonde was hunched over on her curb, her sobs making her entire body shake. She raised an arm to wipe her tears, but as soon as they were gone, more came. She knew her neighbors were probably peeking curiously out their windows- after all; it's not every day you get to see a grown woman pour her heart out through her eyes like a teenager. Hastily she rose and returned to the privacy of her own home.

"What is it, hon?" The lanky brunette hidden inside the fortress of Alex's house appeared almost out of thin air to comfort the lawyer who sat crying at the kitchen table. Alex angrily handed her the letter after squirming out of the strong embrace she was held in. The embrace was released and an uncomfortable silence lay in the air. "Alex…" Alex got up so suddenly that her chair almost toppled backwards.

"You were going to kill yourself, Olivia? Kill yourself because you didn't have me around?" She paused for breath, her back now facing the detective. Olivia cleared her throat. "Alex…you were as good as gone. Do you know how hard it was for me to wake up every morning without you beside me?" Alex whirled around and approached her girlfriend. "Of course! I was by myself too, Liv, or did you forget? I had to leave everything; _everyone_; I loved." A meaningful glance was shared between the lovers before Olivia ran a hand through her cropped hair. "I thought it got lost…I mean, it took half a year to get here." Her face downcast, Olivia walked in the living room and laid down on the couch. Alex followed.

"How close did you come?" Olivia felt a tear escape, and knew her 'tough-guy' façade had fallen through. "After mailing that to you," she halted momentarily and looked with disgust at the letter, then continued. "I had just put the gun to my head when someone knocked at the door." Alex emitted a soft gasp and let the distressed woman continue. "I don't know why, but I felt it was important. So, I set the gun down and answered. It was Cragen. He said they had found him." She let everything go, and the waterworks exploded. Alex laid down beside her and wrapped her arms around the quivering body, placing soft kisses on Olivia's neck. "Baby…I love you. With all my heart, and I would have lost it if you really had…" She bent over so that their lips were almost touching. "I need you, Olivia." Each woman felt a warm mouth against her own and was calmed. Olivia's soft moans were drowned by Alex's skillful lips, which opened to draw in her lower one. After a few minutes, they both broke.

"God, counselor, I forgot you knew how to kiss so well." Alex laughed despite her gloomy predicament as Olivia kissed away the rest of her tears. "What can I say? I learned from the best." Olivia smiled mischievously. "Want me to show you what else the best has to offer?" Alex looked at her briefly, removed her glasses, and switched off the lights. "Be my guest." Olivia began to kiss down Alex's neck as the blonde spoke once more. "And by the way, Liv, I'm glad you love the way I make people want to kick my ass. I guess that is one of my more endearing traits."

_Fin_


End file.
